Online Dating and Personal Ads: How to Arrange Your First Date if She Responded to Your Listing
If you follow these basic steps, this will save you time, money and aggravation on following up with someone who responded to your personal ad/online dating listing. My advice is based on my own personal (no pun intended) experience which led to many pratfalls which hopefully you’ll avoid by reading this as well as 3 great looking girlfriends (at different times) and 2 live in relationships. I’m pretty sure women can apply much of my advice as well. If nothing else this will give them an idea of the male prospective of things.
1. OK, you’ve placed your listing. I would advise you to be as specific as possible and request a good representative photo and state you won’t respond without a photo. A picture says a 1000 words. If someone doesn’t include a photo no matter what the excuse is, forget them. Do not give them the benefit of the doubt. Normal people have at least 1 decent photo of themselves and have access to a scanner. If you respond to someone who doesn’t send you a photo, you are an idiot, nothing personal, as that person is telling you in advance she won’t respect your wishes. If someone responds with a photo of them as a kid, of someone else, totally vague, bad photo, etc., don’t respond as they’re obviously hiding something. If you do respond, you’re asking for trouble. Miracles only occur in movies!
2. I’m assuming someone has sent you a photo you’re attracted to and you like her letter. Whoops, forgot to mention, if she sent you a generic message, dismiss her as she’s responded in mass to many people and she’s too stupid to cover her tracks.
3. So now its time to respond. What I would do is give her a call (if she hasn’t included her phone number request that she does) right away. If she doesn’t give you her number after you asked her to, forget about her and move on. Unless someone just knocked you out from their photo and/or message I would give it 3 days to respond to anyone if you’ve gotten multiple replies and rank the top 3 you’d like to meet in order. If someone absolutely knocked you out though, I’d contact them immediately when you’ve gotten their reply and not contact anyone else till after you’ve met with your knockout. If you’ve got a knockout, see Step 4C first. If there is no knockout, contact all 3 of them and arrange separate dates. If you hit it off great with one of them and you’re sure its reciprocal, then I would call the other 2 up and just tell them the truth and put your dates with them on hold. They’ll respect you for not wasting their time and being honest with them and just leave the option open to call them if it doesn’t work out in the future.
4. OK, you’re now calling your potential mates on the phone. Whatever you do, no matter how much you enjoy your conversation, don’t talk more than 15 minutes so you’re not talked out when you initially meet and make a definite date as soon as you can, the next day if possible, before you hang up. Do not end the phone call without definite plans because you’ll never meet and do not have any more phone calls (or im’s or emails) before you meet. Also tell her to confirm your date the morning of it and give her your home number with answering machine. This way you don’t have to have a second conversation. So the bottom line is, you will meet this person having talked to her at most all of 15 minutes and things will be fresh and not talked out when you meet. If somehow she says something that puts you off on the phone don’t make a date and never call her again.
4A. Unless this woman knocked you out by her response, just meet for a social drink at a public place with a nice decor. This way, if she’s not what you want, you can leave in 30-40 minutes and just either tell her the truth that you don’t feel any chemistry but it was nice to have met or else lie and say you’ve got to be honest and that you’re not over your ex and you just realized it now.
4B. If however you’re interested in this woman, ask her if she’d like to make it dinner and have a place already in mind.
4C. If you got a knockout, instead of drinks make it dinner because this is someone you are truly interested in.
5. You’re now meeting for either drinks or dinner. My suggestion is, if at all possible wear a power suit and look you best as that will give her the impression you are successful even if you’re not. Shave before you meet and get there early rather than late. This way you have time to comb your hair again if needed. Approach this as a blind date. Do not say anything negative about yourself or anything negative about anyone or anything else as believe me it won’t score you points. If you’re into her, just make her feel safe and secure and don’t force the conversation and don’t overdo things but don’t come off like you’re just looking for a friend. You should definitely compliment her on her looks but no more then 3 times during your date. Definitely do not tell her that she is so superior in looks to anyone you’ve ever been with because she’ll think you’re subservient to her. Do not discuss how odd it is meeting this way or how awkward it is unless she brings it up and don’t dwell on it. I definitely would not bring the issue of sex up on the first date unless she does first and I would make plans for a second date right away as soon as you can and say you’ll call her tomorrow. I would then kiss her goodnight on the lips but no tongue unless she goes first. If she doesn’t let you kiss her on the lips or if she doesn’t consent to a second date with a bunch of string along excuses, I hate to say it, the chances are 95% she’s not into you. If that happens either totally write her off no matter how you’re into her or call her the next day but in the afternoon so you get her answering machine and leave a message and ask her out and also leave your phone number again. Chances are she won’t call you back or will call you back and give you an excuse. Too avoid embarrassment, if she calls, let it go straight to your answering machine. If she says she’s not interested or gives an excuse, don’t call her again. If she doesn’t call you back, don’t call her again and move on to the next responses. From there, things are up to you.
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